March 28, 2024
BANGOR DAILY NEWS (BANGOR, MAINE

Holidays subdued for homeless teens > Shaw House offers humble Christmas for `unwanted’ kids

BANGOR — Christmas was a halfhearted affair for homeless teen-agers who spent the holiday at Shaw House.

“Christmas here has been pretty good, but I wouldn’t choose to spend it away from my family,” said one girl who has stayed at the teen shelter off and on for years because of conflicts with her parents.

“I wish I could spend Christmas with my family, but things don’t work out so good when I’m there,” said a boy whose parents threw him out, weary of constant arguments with him.

These teens are typical of those who stay at the shelter, according to operations manager Greg Music. Viewed as disruptive kids who don’t want to be home, many have been abandoned by their parents.

“Still, the kids love them and want to be home in a structured, loving environment, not on their own,” Music said Christmas morning. “This is happening all over, where kids are being abandoned and pushed out.”

Music described the teens with whom he works as “broken, fragile, endearing and wonderful at the same time.”

“Can you imagine what it’s like when the major people in your life don’t want you?” the soft-spoken man wondered aloud.

Dawning clear and cold, Christmas morning found Shaw House done up in traditional holiday style. A tree festooned with blinking lights and gold tinsel stood on one side of the day room, while Christmas stockings and holiday cards decorated the walls. The sound of carols filled the room, thanks to a CD player given to the shelter for Christmas.

But for the handful of teens there, holiday trappings meant little. “I never liked Christmas much except when I was little,” said one boy listlessly as he watched another play a video game. The toy also was a Christmas gift to the shelter.

Across the room, a third boy lay asleep on a sofa, only his stocking feet poking out from under the blanket.

Sitting at the kitchen table, one girl agreed to reminisce about earlier Christmases. “Sometimes there were no gifts, but I was with my family, and being with family means more than having presents,” said the teen, who knew she would not be welcome at home this year after she received a Christmas card and gift from her parents in the mail.

“They still love me, but there are a lot of things that need to get sorted out, so separation is the best thing right now,” the girl said. “It was hard last night and this morning not seeing them, but I picked up the telephone and heard their voices and it was comforting to know that they’re still there.”

Numbers typically dwindle at the shelter during the holiday season, when many teens — even those with the most volatile family situations — try to reunite with their families. “Everybody wants to go home for Christmas,” said Music, predicting that many of the kids ultimately would return to the shelter.

“Expectations are high at holiday time, but Christmas won’t be as happy as they hoped,” he said sadly.

On any night in Bangor, an estimated 200 kids are homeless, sleeping in abandoned houses and doorways, and under bridges or trees, Music said. Sometimes their need for shelter, food and money takes them to the homes of predatory adults where they trade sex for drugs to ease the pain of abandonment.

Shaw House is one of four teen shelters in Maine, according to the operations manager, who said 5,000 teens across the state are homeless.

Dedicated to keeping their young charges safe, the staff is especially challenged during the holidays.

“We keep a close eye on them,” said case manager Cindy Perkins just before Christmas. “It’s a week of crazy, chaotic behaviors and mood swings that we have to help them process through.”

“The kids are very, very depressed at this time of year,” she said. “Negative behaviors increase — and for those who suffer from mental illness, the season will trigger things for them, especially post-traumatic stress disorder.”

A good-natured man with an easy smile, Music found himself laughing and joking with the teens more than usual on Christmas Day.

“If our job is harder at Christmas, it’s only that kids’ pain is more evident, so we have to work harder not to get pulled into that ourselves, to try and help lift them up,” he said.

It’s no surprise that the teens often were laconic as they answered a reporter’s questions, according to Music. “Asking them to revisit their past is painful,” he said.

Music recalled Charles Dickens’ famous story “A Christmas Carol,” in which Ebeneezer Scrooge tells the ghost of Christmas Past that he can’t bear to look back. “No more, no more, I wish to see no more,” Scrooge says to the apparition.

And if some teens are afraid to show their enthusiasm for the gifts donated by churches, groups and individuals in the community, that, too, must be understood, said Music.

“It doesn’t mean it’s not getting to them,” Music said. “They’ve been disappointed and let down before, so they’re very vulnerable, but [determined] not to show it.”

Passionate about his work with teens, Music hopes more people eventually will share that commitment. “As long as these kids stay here, unseen and unheard, people forget they exist and the kids know that nobody cares and that they’ve been thrown away,” he said.

“Adults have abandoned and betrayed them and then they say it’s the kids’ fault,” said Music. “But the kids are not the problem — they’re indicators of the real problem, which is a lack of parent support, community support, resources and a will to help them.”

Meanwhile, the girl who so desperately wanted to be back with her parents for Christmas also has a wish. “If I could have a loving, trusting, honest relationship with my parents … that’s what I’d want,” she said.


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